Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tending to Your Husband's Unspoken Needs

Did you ever stop to think about all the pressures that your husband has to endure?

His pressures at work--his job, his boss, the daily demands, the bills, paying the mortgage, making sure the house is in good repair, being a good parent, being a good husband and provider, and on and on the list goes. If your husband is anything like mine, he does not share his load publicly, he usually just carries it silently and does what needs to be done.

And we as wives need to slow down and take notice of our husbands and their unspoken needs. Sometimes we are so consumed with our to-do lists, the busyness of life, and the children, that it is so easy to put them on the back burner if we are not careful - but we need to remember to put our husbands first before all those things.

"But my husband doesn't have to stay home and watch the kids all day, my day is way harder than his!"

We often get caught up with a me-centered mentality, thinking that because we have had a rough week that our husband's week couldn't compare. But this can become selfish thinking if we are not careful and we need to check those wrong thoughts at the door.

As wives we have the ability to be able to minister to our husbands in many ways that help to refresh and refuel them, in a way that only a wife can do.  Often times, special encouragement from us will help him to gather up the strength that he needs to face another grueling week at work. Don't ever under estimate what even small efforts can do. Sometimes it can make all the difference in the world to him!

Here are a few quick tips that will also help:

1. Pray for him. It is so easy to pray for Mrs. Smith at church or your best friend who's child is sick. But how often do we often seriously sit there and just pray on behalf of our husbands? A wise woman will pray over her husband often remember to cover him in all areas. We know that the Lord is in control over all things and He can do what we cannot.

2. Find out how his day went and really listen. Many times it is so easy when your husband comes home to unload all the things that had happened to him that day right when he walks in the door- but we need to be more sensitive to what he is experiencing at work and the heavy responsibilities that he carries. Try to ask daily how his day went and really listen to what he says. This is where you need to block out the children and concentrate on him and his needs. This helps to build trust in a relationship and he will feel confident in confiding his deeper feelings with you.

3. Be understanding & compassionate.  With nine children it is easy for me to get distracted. Sometimes my husband might be talking to me and I am mentally not there or trying to deal with a child at the same time But what  I need to do is focus on giving my full attention to him. When I am fully present I can be more understanding and compassionate. Our husbands know when we are being sincere and really understanding what they going through.

4. Use words of encouragement. Don't just let it stop with listening but be sure to offer a word of encouragement. Did you know that most husbands barely get any fellowship or encouragement at church or during the week? I think about how hard my husband works and can't imagine what it would be like without it! And definitely don't forget to also share God's truth with him which is the best kind of sharing.

 5. Offer relief. Many of our husbands work very hard. I know that several of you have husbands who work not just one job but two or three. Help your husband by offering some relief. You can give him a back massage, take him to a movie or restaurant, make his favorite food, surprise him with a getaway to have some special alone time, mow the lawn for him, have the kids take over some of dad's jobs that he hasn't been able to get to, bring him a cold refreshing drink while he is working--whatever it takes to help him relax and unwind. Our husband's deserve it!

I hope this is a good starting point to help you be a better wife to your husband.  Know that your efforts are not in vain and may the Lord bless all your efforts to build a strong marriage!

If you need further reading on this topic, I highly recommend The Excellent Wife:

"Martha Peace, a nouthetic counselor of women, has written an Excellent Volume. Not only does it explain what God "requires" of a Christian wife, but it explains clearly how to obey God's commandments in order to become that wife. Get it, read it and profit from it."
"The Excellent Wife" is an absolute must for women today. This book is a welcomed first because it is a Scripturally based, systematic and practical work for today's women. Within its pages is a detailed portrait of a godly wife. Not only is the standard high and godly, but Martha demonstrates that by God's grace, it is attainable..."

You can find this book HERE.




*Thanks so much for visiting --this post contains affiliate links!


Neyssa said...

Love this post. Such a true reminder of how communication builds trust.

Dawn said...

Thank you for your words on this matter! You're so right, it is so easy to let everything else come first and I appreciate this convicting post :)

rachel davis said...

Beautiful reminder!

Susan Luce said...

Everyone should do that for everyone

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Yes, it really does! Blessings to you! :)

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Convicting to me too--the Lord is always growing us and I am grateful for His grace!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Thank you, Rachel, to God be the glory!

sandra said...

Its a good one thank you.. have to share it for others to be inspired too thanks

holly said...

This is a fantastic post. I work outside of the home and we do not have children. I am guilty of sometimes taking him for granted. I do take him ice water when he mows the lawn ,and sometimes I mow the lawn. But more recently we have decided it is a two person job and we are working on it together these days. We both deal with customers and clients everyday and some days are terribly overwhelming. For years I have complained about the fact that I do so much more than he does EX: I continue working after 5:00 cooking dinner , cleaning the kitchen , a load of laundry etc. Ungrateful (Maybe) But as time goes by 15 yrs. I appreciate him more all the time.

Anonymous said...

I too think this was thoughtful and hope to walk this out.

Anonymous said...

Great article, I needed that today. And I love the painting at the top! Who is the artist and how could I find it?

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Like the Bible says, "Love one another..." :)

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Thanks for sharing, Sandra!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Holly, yes, that is why it is so important to have a biblical perspective in dying to self. So much easier said than done!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. I really needed this and so does my husband.

Anonymous said...

I work as a teacher and I am exhausted by the time I get home. I would love to be a full time wife and mother. I'd love to focus on my family and not somebody else's kids. Perhaps it's time for a change.

Anonymous said...

Martha Peace's book was a huge factor in making my marriage work. I highly recommend it! Thank you for these great reminders.

Heather said...

Do you have book/article/blog post suggestions on how to do this as a wife who works full-time at a high stress and mentally demanding job? I adore my husband but I frequently feel empty by the time I get home from work. I want to be more engaged but I'm exhausted. Help?


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