The Important Four Rules of Communication That Will Strengthen Your Marriage

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold.  Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
 
 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.   -Ephesians 4:25


Do you struggle with communicating biblically? If we were honest, I'd say we ALL do at sometime or another. Not too long ago I was blessed to hear a great sermon on this very topic using the verse above as a reference. These four rules can change your life AND your marriage!

Here are some of the notes I have from it:

1. Be honest  

• Speak
• Speak truthfully (don't use words like "you always, you never-don't exaggerate)
• Speak truth lovingly (don't speak to slaughter or attack character)

2. Keep current

• Anger is energy to be used in solving problems (don't wait too long to fix problems, also drop your tone of voice)
• Anger used unbiblically attacks others or ones self
• Failure to solve today's problems today means you are:

1. Guilty of sin
2. Opening the door to resentment and hatred
3. Endangering your sexual relationship
4. Setting the stage for future problems to be distorted

3. Attack problems, not people

• Unwholesome words attack character, bypass the real issue and grieve the Holy Spirit
• Edifying communication encourages, builds up, centers on personal responsibility and gives grace to those who hear it. 
• Focus on unbiblical thinking and behavior
• Seek to understand goals and motives

4. Act! Don't react!

•   The typical reaction of our old nature not getting what it wants are:

1. Bitterness: the refusal to treat someone as if they never hurt you
2. Wrath: a flaring outburst of rage
3. Anger: the slow burn, settled indignation
4. Clamor: harsh contention and strife, public quarreling
5. Slanders: speech that injures, speech that is abusive
6. Malice: the desire to harm others or to see them suffer

• Attitudes and actions you must put on to replace the typical reaction:

1. Be kind: be benevolent; helpful; courteous
2. Tender-hearted: compassionate; sympathetic
3. Forgiving: to pass over an offense and free the offender from the guilt of it.

 Changing habits can be difficult, but by the grace of God, it can be done. Phil. 4:13, 1 Cor 10:13

What rule do you need to work on most?

*These sermon notes were originally shared by Herb Devine. This post also contains affiliate links--thanks for your support!




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