"I am having trouble meeting and keeping new friends, I try to reach out to others, even having them over or texting them but it doesn't seem to work, my efforts seem to be in vain--even with ladies in my church! I see everyone around me having friends and having fun. I am feeling lonely and depressed and don't know what to do anymore."
I know this is a huge struggle for many women--so much more than we think.
There was recently a big discussion in our Titus 2 group on this topic and the response was overwhelming!
So today I wanted to tackle this topic from a biblical perspective and hope that you find it helpful.
Here are some practical tips that were shared that might help you during this season:
Pray and ask God for a friend - Every time I have prayed and asked God for a good friend, He has always brought a wonderful godly woman into my life. I am so grateful for them because they have made a huge impact in my life in so many ways.
Embrace this season with just you and God - When you are waiting for God to bring friends into your life you might realize that God might be using this time to draw you closer to Him. Remember, that He is your best friend and loves you very much. Talk with Him, spend time in His Word, and lean close to Him because only He will fill the void that friendships cannot. Friendships are limited but God's love is not. Only He can love us the way we truly need to be loved!
Pour into those relationships around you - Many times we put such an emphasis on having friends we forget to pour into those very important relationships already around us. Spend time with cultivating those relationships, even with extended family members and pour into their lives.
Be understanding towards others - Many women are going through different seasons in their lives. Some are super busy with family and little children while others might be going through hardships. Know that everyone is going through something different and not just purposefully trying to ignore you.
Understand your season - You might not have a ton of friends like you did in high school but you do have little children now to raise who need you 24/7. Or maybe you have been ill or taking care of an elderly family member. Your season can affect your friendships so be aware and take necessary steps as needed. Give yourself grace while you try to reach out to new friends.
Be forgiving - Sometimes you have really given your all to connect with women and you will still feel rejected. Sadly, this can even happen in church! The best thing you can do in this situation is not to become bitter or resentful towards anyone, just be forgiving, move on, and be sure not to take it personally.
Be content - It is hard to find good friends and you will probably only have a few close friends your entire life. Don't become discontent by thinking everyone else has friends (you'd be surprised, so many women are gong through the same thing you are!). Don't let social media get you discontent either, keep your focus on God and what He wants you to do. Take a break from social media if you find it a source of discontentment.
Be patient - God's timing is best, use your time wisely while you wait! And remember not to need people more than you need Him.
Use hospitality - Invite people into your home. This is one of the best ways to connect with others. Learn how to do it in a way that keeps it easy and blesses those who come. Have pizza and play games, Have toys in baskets to bless little ones visiting and for easy cleanup. Don't get upset if it is not reciprocated, just keep moving forward! It takes time to build good relationships, they don't happen over night. I wrote a whole chapter on Christian hospitality in this book here with some friends if you'd like to read more!
Look twice - Sometimes we are looking for friends in wrong places--sometimes a really good friend may be right under our noses trying to get our attention or the quiet gal in the corner. You never know when or where you will find a gem of a friend who is loyal and true. Sometimes joining a Bible study or helping in a ministry can lead you to meet godly women. Don't forget that people in your neighborhood who don't know the Lord need friends too!
Love the friends you do have - If you do have friends, remember to remain a good friend to them by continuing connecting with them somehow. You can text them, invite them over, bless them with a small gift, go out for coffee, or even snail mail them a card! Just show them some love so they know that you haven't forgotten them!
Be grateful for what you do have - Remember that you don't need a whole pack of friends to be richly blessed. Sometimes it is best to just have a few good close friends who are godly and encourage you. And don't take those who are already around you for granted--they are a gift from God and you are richly blessed for having them!
What would you add to the list?
Please share them in the comments below!
Do you need some godly friends or a safe place to ask questions? If so, please join our Wise Woman Builds Titus 2 Facebook Group!
If you need more encouragement on this topic you might be blessed by this book:
We all long for meaningful relationships, the Colossians 3:14 kind that fulfill our desire for unity and connection with God, our friends, and our community. But where do we start? Craving Connection is a journey with (in)courage writers sharing real-life stories, practical Scripture application, and connection challenges that will encourage you to:
Embrace the desire God has given each of us for connection.
Invest in meaningful relationships, right where God has you.
Become the friend you wish you had.
You can get this book HERE.
Note: This post contains affiliate links---thanks for your support!