Monday, June 15, 2015

5 Ways to Not Grow Bitter Towards Your Husband



Recently on our Facebook fanpage we shared a question from a reader:



"I am having trouble forgiving my husband for something and I am starting to feel bitter towards him. What do you think would help me not to go down that path?"



 I know it is a hard thing sometimes to live with your husband and having times when you are not getting along or not seeing eye to eye about something. I understand how it can is also difficult if your husband has broken his trust with you or has hurt your feelings in some way or another. The pain can be deep and the forgiving can be hard.

So we would like to share a few ways to deal with your feelings towards your husband so that you do not become bitter against him and instead do what is right and respond in a godly way.

Let's begin:


5 Ways to Not Grow Bitter Towards Your Husband



1. Realize He is a Sinner.  Sometimes we can easily forget that our husbands are sinners saved by grace just like ourselves. We need to remember that he is in the same need of the grace of God just as we are. It is a good reminder to think about how Jesus died on the cross not just for you, but for him too and that he is a fallen man who will make many mistakes.

2. Forgive--Even When it is Hard.  Forgiveness can be a very hard thing for some especially if it is something hard to forgive. God said to forgive 70 times 7  times and more. When we don't forgive we can open the door for bitterness to creep into our lives. This bitterness can hurt everyone around us including ourselves. You might have to do it a thousand times a day but it is that same forgiveness sets you free.

3. Take Captive Ungodly Thoughts - You might be tempted many times to think ungodly thoughts about your husband. Be sure to take those thoughts captive and replace them with the word of God. For example if you are thinking "I just can't stand him sometimes, he gets on my last nerves." Then meditate on verses on love like this one:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  

 Do not allow room for the enemy into your marriage!



4. Pray for Him - I know this can be hard, especially if he has really hurt you. But all sinners need prayer and your husband is no exception. Lift him up to our Savior who is able to make all men into a new creation and change his heart when it is hard. With God all things are possible.

5. Pray for Yourself - It is okay to pray for yourself, we all need prayer at some time or another. Pray that you would always seek God's face in the situation, that you would bring him good and not harm all the days of your life, and that you would be the wise woman who builds up her house and not the foolish woman who tears her house down.


If you would like to read what several of our readers shared in response to this questions,you can read their responses HERE.


I recommend The Excellent Wife and How to Build a Strong Christian Home if you are looking for reading material to encourage you along this path.


What would you add to help in not growing bitter? Share it in the comments below!








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18 comments:

Bekka Joy said...

Thank you :)

Lauren English said...

This is such a great reminder for me, especially the part about taking my thoughts captive. When I don't take those bitter thoughts and replace them with God's truths about who I am, who my husband is, and my husband's heart for me, it's so easy to focus on little, unimportant things instead of the big picture. Thanks for sharing this!

McKenzie Elizabeth said...

Excellent!

Jennifer Merritt said...

God works in mysterious ways. This was here when I needed it, exactly when I needed it. Thank you!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Your welcome!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

So true---it's those little foxes that spoil the vine. I constantly have to remind myself to take every thought captive as well. A good friend of mine always likes to say,"The battle begins in the mind." It is so true, that is why we need to declare war on sinful thoughts that are not of God. Amen?

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

So glad it it was a blessing to you and hope you visit again soon!

Anonymous said...

An excellent article. Now I need to put it into practice. I am struggling with this issue, and I thank God that I have good Christian friends that continue to give me the exact same advice as what I have read here.

CountryGirl said...

From my own experience, bitterness is sometimes not noticable until it becomes a huge vine that takes over and takes much hard and painful work to remove. If it is not caught early and the root removed it will take much suffering to remove later. It tends to grow, like an infection, in a place of deep hurt. A deep wound, if simply stitched up, will often get infected if not allowed to heal from the inside out. Simply slapping on forgiveness without dealing thoroughly with the underlying hurt and subsequent anger will cause any bitterness to grow undetected under the surface. This I had to learn the hard way as it destroyed my marriage. Praise be to God, he miraculously tore out the root of bitterness from my heart, and the bitterness in my husband's heart, gave him a changed heart and mind and restored to us the years the locusts had eaten. I implore any of you who have been hurt by another, especially if it is your husband, don't be hasty to make things right, to do the "right" thing, to pretend it doesn't just kill you, or fear what would happen if you fell apart or if your marriage fell apart. Be honest with yourself and your spouse about the hurt. Deal with the anger and pain even if it seems to small to bother with, or too risky. If the injury keeps being repeated, take whatever time out needed for healing and repair and seek Godly and wise counsel--just because the counsel comes from a godly source doesn't mean it is wise--and above all else, pray , pray , pray, trusting God to work in you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you
I am struggling at the moment. I prayed a few days ago that God will help me forgive.

LuAnn Braley said...

For a while there, no one thought my husband and I would stay together. His step-mother even gave me a car "just in case I wanted to take the children and leave". Let me state that neither the children nor I were ever in any 'danger' from him. We've had our fair share of struggles. But when we were married, we made a promise to God. He doesn't guarantee a life of hearts and flowers after marriage, but it sure allows us to grow as people.

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Your welcome!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Thanks for sharing, Luann!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

It's wonderful to have a good support system. Praying for you!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Thanks for visiting, McKenzie!

Temi Tope said...

I am currently at the point of walking out. The hurt is just too much to bear and the bullying from his sister is making me think, is it really worth it.

Anonymous said...

Temi I am praying for you and your marriage! It is always worth it if it is God's will and we know He loves and is for marriage! I understand hurt being too much but the Lord will carry your burden and nothing is impossible for Him. Ask Him to soften your heart towards your husband and see him through God's eyes. Praying for restoration and reconciliation and love to be re-ignited. I know I catch myself allowing wrong thinking into my marriage and I realize the Bible says in the last says the love of many will grow cold, but it is not of the Lord and His desire is for "love to cover a multitude of sins." I Bless your hearts marriage in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ ❤️

NonnaB said...

I agree with "Country Girl" ... I had the blessing of a 40 year marriage and it was because we communicated. We prayed together yes, but we talked out the hard stuff too! Sometimes hurtful truths and tears, but it lead pro a deep understanding of each other. Yes, each other. Not one confirming to the other. All that does is build up stress and tension and can reach s point of no return. Today's toung folks are not taught to communicate in words. With emails and texting and cover-up behavior, they ignore what needs to be dealt with sitting down face-to-face.