Monday, June 15, 2015

5 Ways to Not Grow Bitter Towards Your Husband

Recently on our Facebook fanpage we shared a question from a reader:

"I am having trouble forgiving my husband for something and I am starting to feel bitter towards him. What do you think would help me not to go down that path?"

 I know it is a hard thing sometimes to live with your husband and having times when you are not getting along or not seeing eye to eye about something. I understand how it can is also difficult if your husband has broken his trust with you or has hurt your feelings in some way or another. The pain can be deep and the forgiving can be hard.

So we would like to share a few ways to deal with your feelings towards your husband so that you do not become bitter against him and instead do what is right and respond in a godly way.

Let's begin:

5 Ways to Not Grow Bitter Towards Your Husband

1. Realize He is a Sinner.  Sometimes we can easily forget that our husbands are sinners saved by grace just like ourselves. We need to remember that he is in the same need of the grace of God just as we are. It is a good reminder to think about how Jesus died on the cross not just for you, but for him too and that he is a fallen man who will make many mistakes.

2. Forgive--Even When it is Hard.  Forgiveness can be a very hard thing for some especially if it is something hard to forgive. God said to forgive 70 times 7  times and more. When we don't forgive we can open the door for bitterness to creep into our lives. This bitterness can hurt everyone around us including ourselves. You might have to do it a thousand times a day but it is that same forgiveness sets you free.

3. Take Captive Ungodly Thoughts - You might be tempted many times to think ungodly thoughts about your husband. Be sure to take those thoughts captive and replace them with the word of God. For example if you are thinking "I just can't stand him sometimes, he gets on my last nerves." Then meditate on verses on love like this one:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  

 Do not allow room for the enemy into your marriage!

4. Pray for Him - I know this can be hard, especially if he has really hurt you. But all sinners need prayer and your husband is no exception. Lift him up to our Savior who is able to make all men into a new creation and change his heart when it is hard. With God all things are possible.

5. Pray for Yourself - It is okay to pray for yourself, we all need prayer at some time or another. Pray that you would always seek God's face in the situation, that you would bring him good and not harm all the days of your life, and that you would be the wise woman who builds up her house and not the foolish woman who tears her house down.

If you would like to read what several of our readers shared in response to this questions,you can read their responses HERE.

I recommend The Excellent Wife and How to Build a Strong Christian Home if you are looking for reading material to encourage you along this path.

What would you add to help in not growing bitter? Share it in the comments below!

*This post contains affiliate links.


Bekka Joy said...

Thank you :)

Lauren English said...

This is such a great reminder for me, especially the part about taking my thoughts captive. When I don't take those bitter thoughts and replace them with God's truths about who I am, who my husband is, and my husband's heart for me, it's so easy to focus on little, unimportant things instead of the big picture. Thanks for sharing this!

McKenzie Elizabeth said...


Jennifer Merritt said...

God works in mysterious ways. This was here when I needed it, exactly when I needed it. Thank you!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Your welcome!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

So true---it's those little foxes that spoil the vine. I constantly have to remind myself to take every thought captive as well. A good friend of mine always likes to say,"The battle begins in the mind." It is so true, that is why we need to declare war on sinful thoughts that are not of God. Amen?

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

So glad it it was a blessing to you and hope you visit again soon!

Anonymous said...

An excellent article. Now I need to put it into practice. I am struggling with this issue, and I thank God that I have good Christian friends that continue to give me the exact same advice as what I have read here.

CountryGirl said...

From my own experience, bitterness is sometimes not noticable until it becomes a huge vine that takes over and takes much hard and painful work to remove. If it is not caught early and the root removed it will take much suffering to remove later. It tends to grow, like an infection, in a place of deep hurt. A deep wound, if simply stitched up, will often get infected if not allowed to heal from the inside out. Simply slapping on forgiveness without dealing thoroughly with the underlying hurt and subsequent anger will cause any bitterness to grow undetected under the surface. This I had to learn the hard way as it destroyed my marriage. Praise be to God, he miraculously tore out the root of bitterness from my heart, and the bitterness in my husband's heart, gave him a changed heart and mind and restored to us the years the locusts had eaten. I implore any of you who have been hurt by another, especially if it is your husband, don't be hasty to make things right, to do the "right" thing, to pretend it doesn't just kill you, or fear what would happen if you fell apart or if your marriage fell apart. Be honest with yourself and your spouse about the hurt. Deal with the anger and pain even if it seems to small to bother with, or too risky. If the injury keeps being repeated, take whatever time out needed for healing and repair and seek Godly and wise counsel--just because the counsel comes from a godly source doesn't mean it is wise--and above all else, pray , pray , pray, trusting God to work in you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you
I am struggling at the moment. I prayed a few days ago that God will help me forgive.

LuAnn Braley said...

For a while there, no one thought my husband and I would stay together. His step-mother even gave me a car "just in case I wanted to take the children and leave". Let me state that neither the children nor I were ever in any 'danger' from him. We've had our fair share of struggles. But when we were married, we made a promise to God. He doesn't guarantee a life of hearts and flowers after marriage, but it sure allows us to grow as people.

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Your welcome!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Thanks for sharing, Luann!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

It's wonderful to have a good support system. Praying for you!

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Thanks for visiting, McKenzie!

Temi Tope said...

I am currently at the point of walking out. The hurt is just too much to bear and the bullying from his sister is making me think, is it really worth it.

Anonymous said...

Temi I am praying for you and your marriage! It is always worth it if it is God's will and we know He loves and is for marriage! I understand hurt being too much but the Lord will carry your burden and nothing is impossible for Him. Ask Him to soften your heart towards your husband and see him through God's eyes. Praying for restoration and reconciliation and love to be re-ignited. I know I catch myself allowing wrong thinking into my marriage and I realize the Bible says in the last says the love of many will grow cold, but it is not of the Lord and His desire is for "love to cover a multitude of sins." I Bless your hearts marriage in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ ❤️

NonnaB said...

I agree with "Country Girl" ... I had the blessing of a 40 year marriage and it was because we communicated. We prayed together yes, but we talked out the hard stuff too! Sometimes hurtful truths and tears, but it lead pro a deep understanding of each other. Yes, each other. Not one confirming to the other. All that does is build up stress and tension and can reach s point of no return. Today's toung folks are not taught to communicate in words. With emails and texting and cover-up behavior, they ignore what needs to be dealt with sitting down face-to-face.

dana simpson said...

My husband and I need much prayer. I have gone through a rough time and in that time and beyond have told him some very hurtful truths about things I have done and felt and thought. Our marriage has never been easy. The easy thing would be to give up. And unless God intervenes, that is the way it is going. Much prayer has gone up and things just continue to deteriorate. Our 24th anniversary is in a little more than a month and only God knows if we will be together.

Stephanie Walborn said...

Thank you for posting this. I know I am not alone in this and while I never wish this on anyone else it helps to read and reflect on things from other people who have walked this path or currently walking it. Marriage is hard. In 7 days I will have been married 19 years. The last 5 of those years have been extremely painful. My husband walked out, dated, slept with other women, did drugs, became an alcoholic, and then as I was pulling myself together asked to come home. Well...much prayer and growth in the Lord and since divorce papers had not been filed I allowed him back. We were both raised in the church and I pray that he will return to his love relationship with God. Our marriage isn't what it should be or could be and it is hard. Lately the pain from everything had been like an acid inside and I fight the bad thoughts and anger that has been welling up. I know God is in control and that I need to seek him in all things. It just gets hard to see the light for the waves crashing around and trying to drown me.
I will add you all to my prayer list, for God is our strength. This isn't a fight that in ourselves can we win. In God we will overcome. May His peace, grace, love, mercy, and comfort envelop you.
Stephanie W

Diane Gouldin said...

Today my husband has called me the worst of worst names again....f
Different than the first time he did that wounded my soul and caused me to feel i could no longer trust him with my heart. Though i try to forgive i cannot forget. I allow his words to shape how i feel he sees me even when we are not fighting. He is so mean to me. He is so hard. He accuses me of things i have not done and continues to punish me for them. I do believe he has a mental illness and so i have not left him. We hvae both slacked away from our walk with God. Not in doing wrong things just not being in church or prayer as we should. I try to say to him when he is ugly I forgive you and I love you still and he just comes back uglier. I think it .ay be time to say goodbye.

Elle said...

Hi :)
Thank you so much for the reminding me of the tools God gives us to fight the battles . I know how easy it is to believe and focus on the lies from the enemy and in my feelings .
I thought of something extra that also helped me in my marriage.
I had to keep on reminding myself that everything I do is unto the Lord . So I wasn’t exactly doing it for my husband, but for the Lord because it pleased Him and miraculously I was able to live be my husband.
Looking back I don’t know how I was able to love my husband through such rough times , but it wasn’t me, it was the power of Christ in me as I tried to obey God.
Thank you for encouraging your sisters, and I, through the Lord ☺️❤️


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