Friday, October 5, 2012

Loving Our Adult Children

Where do those little years go?

They pass by so fast, and in what feels like a blink of an eye, we now have a young adult (s) on our hands.

But I have to say that one of the saddest things that I see happen is that once a child graduates from high school I hear parents say to them "you are on your own".

Now I am definitely not talking about letting them have responsibility and all that other good stuff that comes with adulthood, I am definitely for that! But a "now- that-you-are-of-age-I-have-washed-my-hands-completely-of-you" mentality. That just breaks my heart.

I have especially seen with young girls just how fatal that can be. Several of my friends growing up lived wild lifestyles leading them into harmful relationships, promiscuity, dangerous situations and so forth. It is actually very common.

But I am absolutely an advocate for supporting and walking along side your adult children. My view is that they will always need you to some degree and you need to be there to give them that wise counsel, to give them a safe place, and give them unconditional love and love on their children. The world will throw what it can at them but parents can always be a safeplace for them, to rest upon as they faithfully and continually lead them to the Lord, never giving up on them.

There will be times a parent will have to demonstrate tough love to a child for their own good. But when that time comes may the Lord give them wisdom to make hard judgment calls and give them understanding. My prayer is that parents would have the courage to do the right thing, even with their adult children and not be swayed by a culture that does not have the time and would rather not.

I don't think the influence of a parent ever ends until the day that we die. We can always be an example of love and hope. Surely our relationships will change over time, the will leave and cleave, they might move far away for a time or permanently. But what I have found is that the older I get the more I realize how much my mothers influence still impacts me greatly.

Lord, please help us to raise our adult children with Your wisdom and discernment. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear what lies in front of them. Help our young adults to trust and seek after our counsel and the counsel of other wise advisors. Keep them safe from harm and from the devil's trap. Keep their feet on your paths of righteousness all the days of their lives. We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

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  1. Wonderful thoughts! I totally agree. I love being close to my "adult" children. The Bible shows us that a parent's influence and devotion is not on a timer. My married daughters still call me for advice and right me such loving notes. God made us family and nothing should tear that apart! :o)

  2. I totally agree with you. I have three grown children with children of their own. I try never to butt in, which was a lesson learned, but they know that I am there when they need me. I may not have a solution, but I can pray, and God always has a solution. Thank you for these wise words.

    1. Yes, I think having wisdom regarding our new roles is always at play. Thanks for commenting!

  3. I could not agree more! I have two in college and I find they need our guidance more than I ever thought. As a a child who was left to be "on my own" by my natural parents, I am more than thankful for the kind couple who came alongside me and gave me guidance. Children who have lived at home still need help with advice with roommates, budgeting, how to get an honest car repair, basic home maintenance, even cooking healthy meals on a budget. I am fortunate to speak to my son and daughter daily. I am grateful to still be in their lives and hope to be for many years to come. Yes, there will come a day when their spouse will take the primary role, but I hope they always see my husband and me as a helpful advisor and friend tot hem and their spouse.

  4. Amen to this post!
    My oldest is 17, and she is already starting to get comments from unsaved family members ("Now you are old enough to _________"). It's like they have been chomping at the bit for us to push her out of the house, which I will not do. Praise the Lord that she loves being at home.

    It is saddest when Christians show this "kick them out of the house at 18 mentality". It is not in scripture that at a certain age a child must be "on their own" . Our dear Lord, who is always our best example, did not start his ministry until He was 30, and He was home taking care of His mother until then. He would not have neglected her as a widow.

    I did not grow up in a believing household, and I was constantly told "I can't wait until you are old enough to leave" and "you are on your own at 18" and other derogatory comments. So guess what I wanted to do as soon as I was old enough? Leave!
    If children live hearing that they are worthless and have unkind words thrown at them, they will embrace those and want to run.
    The opposite also holds true, as I see with my children....they have been loved and cherished and are not looking to "run". Praise the Lord for His Ways and His Grace.

    1. I'm really glad I found this blog and others about biblical womanhood. I'm a young woman who aspires to be a homemaker someday even though I did not grow up that way. I'll be 25 soon and I feel the pressure to move out. I work and I'm in school and I'm definitely not a trouble maker. I love the Lord Jesus and continue to grow in my walk with him. I just feel like a burden sometimes and I hate feeling like that. I'm in a blended family and I feel that my step-father wanted me and my sister (21) moved out a while ago. I'm closer to moving out now since I'm working full time. I've also heard comments about parents being done with their children at age 18. My mom knows a lot of people who have "washed their hands" of their children. I've been told that I don't have to be taken care of anymore since I'm of "of age". As an adult I can surely take care of myself, but those comments make me feel abandoned and unwanted. I also feel like a burden and think to myself "maybe I should've moved out a while ago", but to tell you the truth I truly wasn't ready. Who is really ready to move out at 18? The few and far between I guess. I can tell all the older adults in my life are watching to see when I'm going to finish school and when I'm going to move out. So, I feel the pressure since I didn't graduate typically at age 21. I also haven't gotten the courage to tell them that I actually want to be a homemaker and work at home mom. I don't want to be a "career woman" like I used to want to be and that is expected of me. I'm sure when I do tell everyone it will be quite a surprise. What I can say though is that I learned a lot and I know I want things to be different for my own daughters. I'm also abiding in the Lord and praying for strength and wisdom at this time in my life. He comforts me despite all the outside pressure (however subtle it may be). I'm truly thankful to Lord Jesus and to all the homemakers who inspire and encourage me. -Mel :)

  5. Thanks much! So timely, just needed it for an encouragement. May God continue to use you to guide women of today. God bless you more!


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