Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Preparing Our Sons

"We must prepare our sons to go out into the world, face obstacles, work hard, and provide for a household with integrity. Mothers can unwittingly undermine this preparation by mollycoddling their sons.

If mothers are protecting and pampering their sons, they will grow up to be milksops (also known as sissies),  and obviously, this is not honoring to God.

Our aim for our sons is maturity. 

We want them to be able to stand with their father against his enemies in the city gate (Psalm 127). We want them to be tough, not fragile. Mothers cannot fight their son's battles and they should not shelter them from consequences of their actions....Mothers must be hard-headed when it comes to sons and not rush in to protect them from the hard consequences of the world."

While my five sons are young right now, I am encouraged by this thought because it helps me to have a vision of how I would like them to be and where I would like them to go in life. I know that I definitely need to be reminded to let my sons learn what the world is really like without rushing to their defense.

What are your thoughts about raising sons?



  1. I have 3 daughter and they are still very young and I have no experience with boys but this post caught my attention.

    I know how to train our little girls to be nurturing, loving, modest but if the Lord bless us with sons I have to admit I will have to learn to not treat them as I treat our girls!!!

    Maybe my husband will play a greater role in showing and training manliness!!!

    How do you do it ???

  2. I love this...having five sons myself...three that are adults, I so remember going through the paces of their growing up and needing to know when to shelter and when to step back.
    In this world of mixed signals on what is true a male...I think it is very important that a mother learns were her line is.
    I also feel we can cause them to become deaf to our voices if we speak too much.

    Time with their Dads, with other males, even in team sports and a mother who knows when to step back to me is the key to real manhood...and Christ is the perfect example.

  3. Our sons are in their early 20's. We always trained them not to be "blamers", but to take responsibility for their actions. Temptations may come and woe to them through whom they come, as Jesus said, but in the end, we are responsible for our own actions. Other people and things are influences, not causes.

    Sons also need to respect their fathers. If they cannot respect their fathers, they will not respect the police, or any other kind of authority. They need to have a respect for authority.

    One son is now doing well in the military and another is in college studying to be an elementary school teacher.

    With sons, the dynamic is more with the father than with the mother. The mother must back up the father, who (it is hoped) knows what it takes to make a man. My husband was always very involved.

  4. Good Post! I raised three girls, so I didn't have to think about this very much back then, But I do have six grandsons ages 3 thru 20, so I have seen how my daughters are having to do some of this. And I see their dads helping them learn how to be men.

  5. My struggle has been with trying to figure out how to teach him to take the lead when he spends all day obeying his mother! If I've trained him to do what I tell him, then won't he let his wife one day run over him? This bothers me a lot.

  6. Honestly? I'm so thankful that the Lord blessed us with two boys before giving us a girl! I think that I would have been far too quick to treat them the same!
    It's such a fine like to walk (mine are still little) with helping them be brave and strong and all those things and still letting them be little!

  7. Though I know your words to be true, I find it difficult to practice this virtue. Thank you for the reminder I pray for strength to follow through. Have a blessed day.

  8. To anonymous:

    I think the goal isn't to teach our boys (I have 2 very little ones) to simply obey, but to make choices based on the character of Christ and God's desire for us as people - for them as men. I try to teach my sons that they need God's help to desire to do God's will... that simply obeying the rules isn't what makes the difference. This way, when they are older, they can look at situations and think "Is this what God wants or what my selfish desires want?" "Is this loving or unloving?" instead of thinking "Is this what my mom would want me to do?" We all need help in making decisions that are pleasing to God and learning to obey our parents is only the first step in understanding God and the obedience He desires from us, and the unique challenge of leadership He desires from men.

    Hope this helps :)

  9. Thank you for this! I will soon be a Mom to 4 boys. I've also enjoyed reading the other comments.

  10. From Asia I'd like to thank you for sharing this, I've my 1st child -- a 4 months old son, what you write reminds me to prepare, how to raise our son, with indispensable qualities. I do also learn from the other comments in this post.

  11. I'm the mother of 10 boys/men,and 6 daughters.I agree with your statment of raising men. 7 of my sons are grown, working on 4, youngest 9 monthes.
    I have learned that you must mean what you say, and stick to it. Don't play ruff with they, as they get older they will try it out on you, and yes they will be stronger than you.
    Teach them to respect you. Honour you.Some day they may be taking care of you.

  12. Yes, I agree with Sue, sons end up being stronger than you. I really rely on mine now. It is good for them to learn to respect and honor you when they are young. Their father helps to teach them this. If no father, male relatives can be a help.

  13. Thank you for your post and all the wise comments here. My son is only 2 1/2 and I think it's hard when they are young because they are still so little so you do want to protect them from things. But I guess the thing is as they grow up to know when to step in and when not to. It's hard though! I guess we just have to keep praying to God to work on their hearts by his Spirit, moulding them to be Christlike. I do want my son to be strong and brave but loving and compassionate too - Christlike.

  14. Dear Mrs. Stam,

    I definitely believe in asking the Lord for wisdom and when having sons to defer to your husband as much as possible! Raising sons is so different from raising daughters--my husband sees many things that I don't--therefore I am grateful for his valuable insight.

    For the rest of the ladies---

    There is a category section on my sidebar labeled 'Raising Sons' that you may visit to read more, if you'd like.

    Have a blessed day!


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