Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Tender-Hearted Mom

It is not uncommon to see a mother grab her child in anger in the grocery store or in the church. Even mothers who are normally easy going and tender-hearted can be exasperated beyond belief. Of course, they never have an excuse to sin before God and to sin against their child but they do need help. The older women are to lovingly hold them accountable to be kind and tender-hearted instead of mean and and hard-hearted. Another way the older women can help the younger women to love their children is to remind them to be wise like God.

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.         ( James 3:17-18, emphasis added)

..House rules are often a point of conflict between the children and mothers. They are certainly necessary but it is critical how they are enforced. Sometimes  young mothers become like marine drill sergeants at boot camp. As a result, the rules are enforced in a cruel and hard-hearted way through threats, screaming, yelling, and name calling. It may result in an outwardly compliant child who remembers to make their bed and take off their muddy shoes, but it is also likely to produce a child who is likewise cruel and hard in their heart. Gentleness and mercy are more important than external rules. 

Help the young mothers to be consistent with enforcing house rules but to do it in love.

If they must err, it should be on the side of mercy since "...mercy triumphs over judgment"

(James 2:13)

-Martha Peace, Becoming a Titus 2 Woman 

You can find this great book and other godly resources for the home at Books on the Path.


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  1. Great advise, thank you for posting! This goes along with one of my latest posts... things in my home are a bit out of control & I know it's ME that needs the work.

    I hope you have a great weekend :)

  2. Thank you, I really needed this today.

  3. I loved it! That was so beautiful and enlightening.

  4. O thank you for this post. I was going to read that book.....but I totally forgot about it! This post was the reminder I needed.

    I am going to link this post on my blog. THANKS!

  5. How I long for an older woman to come alongside me to teach me these things. Thank our God for Godly women who blog.
    My legacy to motherhood is the cruel yelling name calling, angry threats, criticism etc. I don't want to behave this way, but oh, how easy it is fall into old habits.
    Thank you for the post, and the reminder. I needed it.

  6. So much wisdom, so little time! I agree, praise the Lord for godly women who write such wonderful books for us to learn from!

  7. Jesus has been working daily with me on this for years. I can see improvement, but I still have not arrived. I pray everyday that my children will overcome their mother's poor parenting skills.

  8. This is such a beautiful post. I struggle with swinging back and forth in my parenting. Trying to be consistent and firm, I often lose the tenderness that I know my children need. A lot is said about consistency with just a little "oh, and do it in love" tacked on the end, but no practical help in how to do that. I definitely want to get the book now! :)

  9. Becoming a Titus II Woman is an excellent book. Our ladies Bible Study Group went through this book twice. First we were taught and then the second time around we were given the chance to teach a chapter.
    Mercy trimuphs over judgment. I needed reminded of that today. Thank you.

  10. I love what you said about if we error, to error on the side of mercy! That spoke to my heart today!

    Angela, from Good Morning Girls

  11. I am the mom you spoke of that grabs her children in anger. I have been praying about my anger for a long time and asking God to deliver me from it. I was wondering if you have any advice for finding a mentor like that in Titus 2. I have asked a few woman but nothing ever came about. I want to b a better mom and know that i ned support and accountability. Any advice you have would be appreciated. Thanks for the post.

  12. Latryce.... I remember being a young(er) mom and praying for a mentor mom to come along side me too. Everyone is SO busy with their own lives.

    All I can say is keep praying, don't be afraid to ask older women that you know, and then either way, when you are "older", remember how much you needed that. BE the "older woman" to a younger woman when one comes your way.

  13. Thank you so much...I am guilty of this, most definitely. I don't know how to change the cycle of yelling and screaming. I get angry when my kids don't obey, instead of remembering to teach them things in love. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  14. Thank you so much for this post. As I grow more and more sleep deprived with 2 under 2, I have found myself being unkind much more frequently. That verse from James was quite humbling. It goes against all my training as a teacher where we were taught that easing up on rules will ruin the class for the year. I need to work on my heart!

  15. I am a sahm who homeschools two lively boys. I am going to book-mark this post and read it often when I feel like my patience and tolerance has reached it's end. I don't comment often, but want to tell you that I appreciate you and your blog so much. It has brought me so much encouragement and helped me be a better wife, mom, and homemaker.

  16. Dear Mrs. Fuentes - Thank you so much for this timely reminder. I have two little ones, one is 6 months old and the other is in her "training two's". May God grant me ever-increasing grace to be tender with my precious pumpkins! Thank you for this godly exhortation, Mrs. Fuentes. And by the way, I am going from post to post on your blog, and am being SO blessed. I appreciate the links at the bottom of each post with similar posts - although I find myself going on an endless reading sprint here LOL! Thank you SO much for your exceedingly helpful and godly encouragements!!


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