Friday, September 5, 2008

To She Who Has Given Up



"I am giving up. I cannot go on any longer. Things cannot continue to go on like this. I can't take anymore. It is just better for us to be apart."

My heart was torn apart as I firmly replied:

"Do not give up. You have continue to fight. For your marriage and your children. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy your marriage. You are the only one in your home who is holding the walls up because of God. Deep down inside you know this is what God wants you to do. He doesn't want you to leave. He hates divorce."

"I don't know. I just don't know anymore."

"No, you do know. You have to get focused and keep your eyes on God. You are in the midst of a storm right now and you must hold on to the Rock. That is what will keep you standing."

"I don't know. I can't."

"If you give up, just know that there is still someone fighting for your marriage. It's God. And I will be praying for you when you can't pray anymore. You are like a runner in a race--when they get close to the finish line they are weary, they feel they can't make it. Then someone runs in next to them and starts to yell 'You can do it! Don't give up! Your almost there! Don't stop now!' You cannot give up. There is total devastation when divorce occurs, not peace. That is a lie. God can make things change in a marriage right when we think there is no more hope."

Dear friends, if any one of my readers are going through something similar--this post is for you. Do not give up on yourself, your husband or your marriage. God can take the worst of marriages and redeem them and make them the most brilliant work in His tapestry.

You must stand and fight with all that it takes because so much is at stake. Your choices today will impact generations tomorrow. To believe the world's lies that things will be better on your own is a mistake. Don't buy into the lie. I have seem God do miracles in marriages because He has done that in my own life and it is all to his glory.

I will be quick to add that many marriages going through distress need wise and godly counseling--and just as importantly it takes God, time, patience, steadfastness, courage, humility, support, and faith. It takes knowing the word of God and willing to apply it even when the other party is not.

So stand firm, dear one, God has not forsaken you, He is with you every step of the way. For the scriptures declare:

"He is close to the broken-hearted and he binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

7 comments:

  1. There are so many of my friends that are going through this right now. Satan has declared a war on marriages. It is my prayer that Satan is defeated at his new game. How many times have I heard lately, "Well, I'm just no longer happy." So many people are walking away from their spouses and children all in the name of happiness!

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  2. Yes, this is so true, DON'T give up. Divorce DOES bring total devastation, not peace!! You'll still be fighting him, only now you'll NEVER make any progress because you will truly be adversaries, esp. when he marries a new woman. I know first hand, divorce will destroy the lives of your children and they will never quite be the same again. And if you think that finding someone new will solve all your problems, well, that won't help either. Things will only be more complicated the next time around, and you'll either flee the new marriage, or be forced to endure even more painful obstacles to make the new marriage work. After going through all I have gone through, I can't think of any really good reason to end a marriage... yes there are some situations where counseling or even law enforcement will need to be involved, but try and work it out!! Most marriages really don't end for those drastic types of reasons, anyway.

    Thank you for this post. I really hope that someone who is thinking of getting out of her marriage will read your words and think again!!!!

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  3. What an encouraging post for those going through this sort of trial.

    I agree that this is an area that Satan has declared war on just as Wendy said!

    I've seen him try to destroy marriages in many circles and it's so sad and with prayer, God's help and intervention, absolutely NOT sucessful!!!!

    Thanks for your wonderful words to those dear ones presently in these circumstances :o)

    Blessings in your heart for the Lord!

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  4. Dear Ones, God does hate divorce, He says so in the Bible as well as to allow an unbeliever to leave the marriage when they no longer want to be married. If the unbeliever desires to leave, the Word tells us to let them. It can be painful when a serious relationship falls apart, but our God is a healing God that will heal our hurts. In the case of adultry, yes we can depart from one another, divorce is allowed, but it's not mandatory. When adultry occurs, the offender is lacking understanding. Much healing needs to take place. Until that healing takes place, the innocent spouse will hurt right along with the spouse that defiled the marriage bed. If the offending spouse doesn't truly repent and come to understanding as to why they did this...they probably will do the offense again. We need to protect ourselves from sexually transmitted diseases. In the case of abandonment, divorce is allowed as well. On the other hand when adultry, abandonment or not being evenly yoked is the case so often divorce happens when we give up and grow tired of how things are going. On the brighter side, with being a Christian, there is great hope our marriages will be a terrific blessing. God can turn things around from bad to better. And if for some reason a divorce does happen and you didn't want a divorce...God bless you. He can heal and comfort you. He can place a new song in your heart that you will want to sing.

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  5. I so wish I there had been a godly counselor when my first marriage fell apart and we divorced to give me the godly advice you have given here and before I made the foolish mistake of remarrying another man, also divorced. Our children have suffered so much as a result of divorce.

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  6. I am so thankful to the Lord for the grace He has shown me. One year ago a dear friend came to our home to take family pictures for us. Inside my heart, as the pictures were taken, I thought, "our last family pictures together for the children..."

    Yes, I had decided the marriage was over and we were separating. Why? well - all the faults were his, of course.

    Today, those pictures are posted around our home and they are bittersweet to see our smiling faces, especially my smiles, knowing what thoughts were behind them. Maybe it's God's way to humble me and remind me to give Him glory that we are still together. The marriage is ok, not wonderful, but definately not like it was a year ago. And in coming home fulltime (3 months at home now after 8 years of working and 3 children 5yo - 6 mo) I have discovered so many areas where I have been stubborn, stiff-necked, unbelieving that the Lord could give grace and strength to do what He has called me to do, ares where I fought my husband on all the time and unconsciously tore my house down (but I was so blinded that I was running into walls and tearing them down cuz I coudlnt' or wouldn't find the door of submission and obedience...) I had no idea I was so wrong in so many different areas. Praise the Lord for teaching us this without a separation!

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  7. I so needed to read this tonight as I was going to file for divorce today , but decided to pray some more. It is very difficult to stay when you are being abused emotionally, mentally , physically and verbally . I have now started to do the same. I do not like this anger that has built up inside of me.We also have 8 children so I stay also for them . There are times when it is good . Please pray for us . Mary

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