Friday, February 8, 2008

Valentine's Day for Him

As I perused the stores yesterday I was captivated by all the lovely Valentines day items being sold, some romantic---some humorous---some just in bad taste. Nevertheless, I know that this special day is right around the corner and after I decorate with the little ones and have my daughter bake some heart cookies, I want to make sure I spend some time evaluating what is more important---and that is how I am loving my husband.

See, loving our husbands is not how we need to be loved as women. We like to be listened to and wined and dined---we like romantic, and a handful of beautiful roses (well, I do, anyways!) I am a romantic at heart--even though I don't always show it on the outside--and one day I'd like to fulfill my dream to visit Italy and take a ride on a gondolas in Venice. And not just any ride, mind you, but the ride where the gondolier serenades the couple riding and plays beautiful music. The ride where they serve you strawberries, chocolate and drinks and when it turns to dusk they have candles to light your way through the city---------now THAT is romantic! Top it off with my husband next to me, singing and probably proposing to me again, well, that would be the epitome for me for a Valentine's day. But this post is not about me, it is about our husbands so let's get back to the subject...

Our husband's are loved through the way we RESPECT them. Like Mark Driscoll likes to put it---when a woman gets a card she wants it to say 'I love you' but when a man gets the same card--he is not affected the same way a woman is. Now if the same card stated "I respect you." Now that would be the same as the 'I love you' card written for the woman. Scriptures tells us to respect our husbands because this is their love language---He made them to desire to be respected at the very core of their masculine nature. God also desires for us to have marriages that are overflowing in sacrificial love towards one another. The kind of love that banishes the 'me-first' mentality and puts themselves willingly last.

But I do respect him, you protest, as you unwittingly forget about last week when you lashed out at him, when you forgot what he asked you to do, when you answered sarcastically in front of the children, when you mocked him in front of family/friends, or when you ridiculed his great new idea...

We might think we are righteous when we withhold our respect because of various reasons but the Bible does not state to give respect only if it is due. Let me speak frankly ladies, that when we disrespect our husbands we only point out our immaturity.......not his.

I challenge you this Valentine's day to begin giving the gift of respect that will leave behind an eternal example for your sons, daughters and grandchildren and the lost world. Our respectful influence over our husbands is powerful. Let us use it wisely in building strong marriages here on earth so they will exalt our King in Heaven and as a result, draw the lost closer to Him. And may it exalt Jesus from the rooftops for the great and mighty work He has begun in our lives!


  1. I just started reading a book called "Love & Respect" and the Lord is really working on my heart in this area... thank you for this beautiful Valentine's Day post!

  2. I wish I had known this when I was first married. I was always so disappointed by his reaction (or lack thereof) to my well-thought out gifts.
    It's so true.

  3. Suvi from Finland, EuropeFebruary 11, 2008 at 9:31:00 AM CST

    For some time now I have been praying to be a better wife and mother. Day by day God is teaching me how to do things better. This text made a huge impress on me. Immediately many situations came to my mind in wich I could have acted much more respecfully towards my husband. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, this helped me a lot.

  4. 'Respect'.....this was a very good post. I'm going to ponder this for awhile. A lot of truth in what you said. Thank you, as always, for your wonderful insight. This blog is always a blessing.

  5. dun dun DUNNNNNN!!!! Great post, and a good reminder!

  6. Thank you for posting this. Just in time for me!
    God Bless you!

  7. Thank you for this timely reminder.

  8. This is a really great post and is so true. I needed a reminder of how I am to treat my husband. I can think of a situation right off the top of my head where I should have respected him, but instead I insulted him and yelled at him. Thank you for your wisdom.

  9. What a wonderful and needed post! So often we forget that love is, by its very nature, focused on how the other person needs to be loved. After 13 years of marriage, it's only recently that I have begun to figure this out.

  10. I am so blessed to be that "next generation." I am definitely the beneficiary of the previous generation's wisdom and experience. The older women (not old women, but my mom's generation) in our church have taught me how to respect my husband...even before we were married. I know I'm not perfect at it and it's not always easy, but I have seen the fruit of a respected man in my husband. We've been married less than a year and a half, and we're expecting our first baby next month. I can't wait to teach these things to my children and see them succeed in their marriages! Thanks for your encouragement!

  11. So true. Sadly, this Valentine's Day, I will be living this out by seeing my husband off at the airport with a smile and a wish of encouragement for his job interview the next day. *sigh* Sometimes it can be melancholy to be the helpmeet. Hopefully, he'll speak my love language back to me and send me some flowers in the mail or something :)

  12. I think many women struggle with respecting their husbands. God specifically admonishes us to revere them and to submit to them.

    What helps me to refrain from speaking to my husband disrespectfully is this, Before I speak I (I don't always get it right) ask myself would I be offended if my children spoke to me in the way that I am about to speak to my husband?

    I know that I am not his child, but the consept of respect between parent and child is the same.
    I really try hard at respecting my husband because I know that what I say and do has a great influence on our children.

    Great post.


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