Thursday, June 21, 2007

What Kind of Home Do You Have?

The book The Heart of Anger describes two different homes. One is the the Child-centered home and the other is the God-centered home.

Here are some characteristics of the children in the Child-Centered home:

1. Interrupt adults when they are talking.

2. Use manipulation and rebellion to get their way

3. Dictate family schedule (include meal times, bedtimes, etc.)

4. Take precedence over the needs of the spouse.

5. Have an equal or overriding vote in all decision making matters.

6. Demand excessive time and attention from parent to the detriment of the other biblical responsibilities of the parents.

7. Escape the consequences of their sinful and irresponsible behavior

8. Speak to parents as though the were peers.

9. Be the dominant influence in the home.

10. Be entertained and coddled (rather than disciplined) out of a bad mood.

Now contrast that with children in the God-centered home:

1. To joyfully serve others.

2. To cheerfully obey parents the first time.

3. To not interrupt parents who are speaking to eachother.

4. To understand they will not always get their own way.

5. To work their schedule around their parents' schedule.

6. To have input into family decisions but not necessarily an equal vote.

7. To understand that God has given their parents other responsibilities in addition to meeting their needs.

8. To suffer the natural consequences of their sinful and irresponsible behavior.

9. To not speak to parents as though they were peers but honor them as spiritual authorities.

10. To esteem others as more important than themselves.

11. To fulfill various household responsibilities (chores).

12. To protect themselves from certain bad influences.

13. To not divide parents over disciplinary issues.

14. To not be more intimate with either parent than the parents are with eachother.

Ladies, which model does our home best represent? I hope this list provides a starting place for us to identify weak spots and strengthen them so that the rich Christian homelife can come shining through.

Note: Remember children are in constant training and need plenty of patience! The goal is not to have perfect homes or children but to raise children to one day obey and serve the Lord.

(List from The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo)


theups said...

This is SUCH a good book!! Just this section alone that you mentioned is worth the price of the book. I gave it to some parents at our church that were having trouble with their son. Mr. U asked them if they liked/read the book. Funny, they didn't like it. Why? Because changing things from child-centered to God-centered would UPSET THE CHILD TOO MUCH!!

Mrs. U

June Fuentes @ A Wise Woman Builds Her Home said...

It is a great effort to change our parenting but eternal results in the end---too bad for that family. I'll be praying for them!

Anonymous said...

Help! This sounds exactly like my home! It's terrible because it all happens DAILY exactly as written! I'm a young christian mom of 2 boys. My husband and I would LOVE to change and stop the child-centered atmosphere, but where do we start? what do we do? There's one thing we know for sure, and it's that we humbly admit that we're failing at christian parenting. Unfortunately, we don't have ANY good mentors. WE will appreciate ANY christian advice given. How does one change from that corrupt home to the godly home? Please help.

June Fuentes @ A Wise Woman Builds Her Home said...

Dear Anonymous,

I highly recommend the book listed in the post 'The Heart of Anger' by Lou Priolo and 'Biblical Parenting'--you can find that in our bookstore for the author. We are no longer offering books on sale...just highly recommending them. Hope that helps.

Many blessings...

Anonymous said...

OH WOW this is good stuff! We definitely aim for the latter, but still I see we've allowed some of the former to creep in... Thanks for this! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

Anonymous said...

I would highly recommend the book by Michael and Debi Pearl ''To train up a child'' it helped me alot...I don't agree with everything in it 100% but in my opinion most of it was so right on the money.

Anonymous said...
really helped me when I was pregnant with #5 and my oldest was 8 and I didn't feel like I could leave the house :) . I was raised (as was DH) only child, no spanking, no Biblical parenting- VERY much a child-centered home. What I liked about the above site, which I didn't find as much the case with TTUAC, is that the basic philosophy was adaptable to my DD with autism.

June Fuentes @ A Wise Woman Builds Her Home said...

Dear Anonymous,

I personally do not recommend the Pearls to my readers and suggest Lou Priolo and Don Gilchrist for parenting books.

Many blessings...

WhatIfWeAllCared? said...

Very nice~ Thank you for posting!!! Made me stop and think about where I've been and where I am. My grown daughter was raised child-centered and shows it every day. I am trying to raise my son (12) God-centered, but realized from your post a couple places where I am faultering... good list for a quick self-check!!!

AmyG said...

I am so glad I came across this! We only have one child, a teenager, and as much as I would love to have a Good-centered home, we have a child centered home. I have always been the main disciplinary one with our son. He has little respect for his dad, and they are constantly arguing. I've started praying with my son throughout the week, and I have noticed a slight change in his behavior until his dad gets home. Thank you for posting this! Helps me know how to pray more for the home we need to have.


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