Thursday, April 26, 2012

Discontentment Over Expectations

Yesterday I ran across some wise words from a post Michelle Duggar  (19 Kids and Counting) shared just a few days ago. She emphasized how sometimes we can set such lofty goals and have great expectations that we can sin against others and live an angry life never being content with those around us and our circumstances. This is a very true reality for many women, they get caught up in the web of ungratefulness and discontentment and unwittingly tearing down their homes in the process.  Michelle shares her insightful experience here:

Are you struggling with expectations?

I hope you enjoy the article!

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Ellie Rae said...

Yes, disappointed over not being able to "mentor" although I am an older woman, 1 year away from being 60. All I see on the internet is younger women telling older women what they should do. But, we have a youth culture, and the younger nearly always instruct the older in America. I think mentoring comes from relationship. I can't shove a young woman in a chair and lecture her on how she should quit working and stay home with her children, start wearing modest feminine clothing, submit to her husband, etc. That wouldn't go over very big (It wouldn't have gone over very big with me when I was young -- not to mention the fact that I thought I knew everything.) Once a young woman on a blog moaned, "Where are the older women?" I replied, "I am here. What can I help you with?" She wanted to know how to manage her children, and I advised to put them on a schedule (for naps, meals, bedtimes) as much as was practically possible. Then a younger lady came on and gave her just the opposite advice, and she took the younger one's advice. So, what now? Sometimes, I think the younger women simply want a baby-sitter, but that's not mentoring. That taking advantage. My rant for the day, thanks!!

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way! I am still in my 40's, but I have home schooled for over 13 years, and all the young Moms never seem to care or even ask for advice. Instead they only seem to value your opinion if all your children are grown and married. I have a sincere desire to be of help to someone else the way many moms in my past have blessed me. I feel sad about this too.

Anonymous said...

How wonderful to have a heart that desires to help young moms!

I remember back when I was a young mom and overwhelmed by the task of taking care of small children. What I really needed was for someone to just "love on" me - not necessarily someone to come in and tell me how to do everything "the right way".

One of the most loving things that an "older woman" ever did for me was babysit - for 2 hours on Wednesday mornings. And, she absolutely insisted on doing it without pay. When the two hours were up, it was inevitable that we would end up talking, and talking, and talking some more! She showed interest in my life. She didn't offer me advice or her opinion - she waited until I asked for it. And of course I would, many times. She was the kind of woman that I desired to be.

For what it's worth, the best way to become a mentor is to just love, pure and simple! Be a humble servant. Show genuine interest in the younger moms, be friendly, offer tangible acts of kindness and generosity (including babysitting!) Who wouldn't seek out the wisdom of that kind of woman?!

With right heart motives, offer yourself to the Lord. If He so chooses, He'll make sure you and a "young mom mentoree" cross paths.


Joyfulmomof6 said...

I am blessed that the Lord put a Titus 2 Mentor Mom in my path 10 years ago, when I really needed it. I had been crying out to Him to send someone to help. [Ellie Rae, maybe there is someone crying out to Him in this same way right now, and YOU are the answer to her prayers. He will not let your servant's heart be "wasted" when there is such a need..and it might be someone right in your own neighborhood. }
Anyway, my dear friend who has spent countless hours praying with me, mentoring me, listening to me cry and giving me advice told me back then to let go of all my expectations for my husband (he is an unbeliever, but I think it holds true for those with believing husbands as well) and put all my expectations in Christ alone. That was such awesome and powerful advice, and it changed my whole perspective. Not that I do it perfectly, because I don't, but I notice that when I slip back into "expecting" my dh to act a certain way, I am always disappointed, and it sends me right back to Jesus' Feet, which is where I'm supposed to be anyway.

June- I can't thank you enough for your blog. It's a "cyber-oasis". I love the beauty of it and the peacefulness. I am always helped and inspired. Thank you. And I think Michelle Duggar is one of the most beautiful and gracious Christian women around! She is truly humble.

Ellie Rae said...

From what I can tell, a mentor in the blog world is some older lady who tells younger ladies how to home school, cloth diaper, breast feed, not use birth control and have a large family, not immunize their children, steer their older children into courtship, have their children go to college online, and go to a family integrated church -- event though these things were relatively unknown to a woman over 60; in the real world, an older woman who would be considered a mentor is a gentle cheerleader who occasionally babysits (that's helpful, but not really a mentor/teacher). Hmmm....I don't fit the bill for either one! I'm afraid I was/am very ordinary.

Ellie Rae said...

I thought the 2nd anonymous had some good suggestions. Most of us just want someone to love on us, but on the blogs, "mentoring" is made to be such an official big-deal -- almost like you have to force yourself on young people and tell them what to do whether they want it or not.
Most real mentoring comes from relationship -- not from somebody on a blog that you do not know or somebody from church you do not know well. It is good to cultivate real-life relationships with women of all ages. I guess I feel disappointed that I don't measure up as a blog-lady type mentor, lol.
Yes, I try to be an encouragement to younger moms when I see them (not too many around in my church or community, as we live where there are mostly elderly people). Unfortunately, some of us older ladies are not in good enough health to babysit any more. I have trouble getting out of a chair due to arthritis in my knees and get winded very quickly. No way could I run after a small child, which would be dangerous if the child were in trouble. I could not lift a child, either. So, this is a problem for an older woman approaching 60. I also have a lot of trouble keeping my own house clean, which is a grief to me, as it used to be spic and span when I was younger. Also, these days, unless it were for a family member that I knew very well, the last thing I would do is babysit -- too easy to get accused of something if the child injured him or herself. Things like that are best left to family members. These are things that, I guess, only older people think about. My mother in law talks about stuff like that all the time. But, your suggestions were very good ones for those who are comfortable doing them or are able to do them. We can all be an encouragement, however, no matter what our health. As far as younger ladies who you feel are not doing right as far as their homes and families go, well, you really can't say anything, because that would alienate them completely (it would have alienated me when I was young). This is a very delicate situation.

Mrs. June Fuentes said...

Dear Joyfulmomof6,

Thanks for the kind words, all glory to the King!

Many blessings...

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