A Woman's Influence

Woman's influence is the chief anchor of society,
and this influence is purifying the world,
and the work she has already accomplished will last forever.
No costly marble can build a more enduring monument to her memory
than the impress she makes on her own household.

The changing scenes of life may hurl the genius of man from eminence to utter ruin;
for his life hangs on the fabric of public opinion.
But the honest form of a true mother reigns queen in the hearts of her children forever.

-The Golden Gems of Life

The Family Integrated Church

Our family attends a family integrated church. I wanted to share a bit about family integrated churches because I strongly support them and believe many people would be blessed by them if they only knew such churches existed. What is a family integrated church you ask? It is a church that worships together as a family (no childrens school or youth groups), but is so much more than that. This is a place where there is sound doctrine and a family can find like minded fellowship with other families who are committed to raising their children for the Lord and fathers are encouraged and discipled to be leaders of their homes and lead in such a way to bring glory to God.

Most of the family integrated churches I have visited are predominantly homeschoolers but do have members who aren't. I have found their fellowship to be sweet and intimate, something harder to find in a mega church. I have seen fathers exhorted to lead and encouraged from the pulpit in a myriad of ways. Women are encouraged to love the Lord, their husbands and children instead of heading up the latest woman's ministry. At this church having a big family is the norm, welcomed and considered a blessing from God---you will not get gawking, mean stares or rude comments because you have more than the average 2.5 children. (This happens to many moms and unfortunately right in church!)

At a FIC you can find ministries designed to support the family. For example, they will host events that promote relationships such as father/son events or mother/daughter tea or like the Maidens of Virtue/Men of Valor group I have written about in the past or homeschool events. They will host family events or serve in a way that help promote families to become a stronger unit. Just yesterday for church we had a gathering afterwards at a dear friends home and her husband taught on the subject of "How to do Ministry as a Family', which was absolutely excellent and encouraging!

There are different denominations that can be found within the FIC and they can be found all over the United States. One well known pastor who has an FIC church that you may know of is Voddie Baucham of Grace Family Baptist Church.

Many families have asked us where they could find like minded fellowship, churches, friends that share their same values because they feel they are living a bit differently than what is considered mainstream Christianity. They have read things here on my blog and wondered where those families existed because they did not see anything like that at the churches they were attending. Well, here is where our family has found families who share our strong faith and family values---at the family integrated church. We have visited four so far and were blessed at all of them. Here is the official website that I wanted to share with you that contains more information on the FIC and an easy-to-use clickable map to find one in your area:

The National Center of Family Integrated Churches

***UPDATE***

If you are looking for a church,
we just planted one!

Come and visit us at New Hope Christian Fellowship!

Teaching Older Daughters

Recently a mother wrote me and inquired:

"What do I do if I have waited too long to teach my older daughter homemaking skills and now she is not interested. Is it too late? What do I do now?"

I believe this scenario is more common than we know as many readers have asked me this question. Often times a mother will not see the need to teach her daughter but then later realize she should have. Perhaps the mother herself will not have grasped the grand vision and importance of homemaking until her later years and then will try to teach her daughters, but by then the daughter might not be interested.

May I offer some hope here? Please do not give up! I believe it is never too late for any daughter to learn domestic skills, whether it be cooking, cleaning or taking up a skill. Your daughter might not realize the importance of it right now but with a loving and gentle mother, these things can learned too---at whatever age-- fifteen, eighteen, twenty five and up!

I asked my daughter, Janai, how she would answer this question. She is 17 years old and I did not start teaching her many things until she was older too. I did not understand the importance of homemaking and it wasn't until I understood my calling that I wholeheartedly began to teach my girls. Unfortunately for Janai, that came a little later than sooner. But that is okay, because even if we are a little later in the game than other mother and daughters, the point is we are still learning and here is what Janai had to say in response:

"I believe that even though a mother is teaching a daughter later in life she should continue to do so even if that daughter does not have an interest at the time. The mother should continue to be a good example and even if the daughter does not seem interested, she should continue teaching her in a loving and gentle way and later the daughter will appreciate and remember all the mother had tried to teach her. All situations are different and the mother needs to approach this with prayer."

Well, there you go ladies. Right out of the mouth of babes. If we approach this prayerfully with love, not in a harsh, demanding way we can help our daughters learn to care for the home, cook, bake , sew and enjoy all that comes with homemaking. I must also add that you will have some daughters that will be more gifted or have interests in one area than the other. One of my daughters loves to bake and the other is gifted in music. I do not try to compare them, I know the Lord has made them both unique with separate talents and instead of fighting those talents I want to foster them. But I still try to prepare all my daughters with what they need to know to run a home and cook well. We must fully equip our daughters for the future, whether or not they marry they will need to know how to cook and run a home--- and help them to see the service and delight behind it all.

As my daughter stated, we must be a good example. She also told me this speaks louder than words and how true this is. If mom is stomping around the house angry, slamming cabinets because she has to clean up or is grumbling about 'making another meal' then what kind of lovely picture are we painting for them of domestic life and duties? Who on earth would want to learn anything about that? She would instead be tearing down her home, and her daughters view of the home, instead of building it up.

Approach the Lord with prayer as you embark upon teaching your daughters if you feel you have missed the window of opportunity with her. There can be grace found in telling your daughter the truth and telling her you were late in teaching her, that you are sorry you didn't and would like to teach and help her now. Even if she rejects it, she knows she had a mother who humbled herself, loved her and wanted to teach her later. If she is older perhaps you can gently involve her--what comes to mind is the image of grandmother in the kitchen waving the young mother over to her asking her to help stir the soup or add the spices as she has an everyday conversation with her, this might be the case with older daughters, working along side with them in everyday tasks and they learn as they go as they spend time with you.

Ask the Lord to soften and open your daughters heart, whatever her age, and to help you be faithful and patient in this area. Perhaps there are personal issues that need to be addressed---is the daughter rejecting these things because her heart is more turned towards the world than the Lord and her parents? There might even be relational issues that you might need to work on in order for this to happen, and praise the Lord that He can use something like this to work on how we LOVE and forgive eachother as well. Let us be the model of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 as we seek to train our sweet, precious daughters:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Maidens of Virtue

Once a month our family attends a group called Maidens of Virtue. I love this group for many reasons, but probably the greatest is that I can attend this along side my three precious daughters. There we are encouraged to learn God's Word and study in depth what a godly woman is. They are currently going through the book Polished Cornerstones by Pam Forster. They meet in a home where we have beautifully set tables of lace, fresh flower centerpieces, 'danties' are served on overflowing platters (each mom brings something from home, usually homemade bread,biscotti, muffins, fruit or something their daughters have created). They have singing, praying and sharing/demonstrations of domestic skills or crafts. They also host tea parties with speakers, one at Christmas and one in the spring. Often the mothers and daughters will teach as a team, with mom teaching the lesson and daughter reading the verses.

Here is a sampling of the singing before the lesson, they usually start off with prayer and then a hymn:

(Sandi Grutzius graciously teaches mothers and daughters how to sing hymn in 2 part harmony)

Here are more pictures:

(Lovely table set for Maidens of Virtue meeting)

(Moms getting seated with their daughters)

(Children seated waiting for group to begin)

(This past meeting was creating a gift for dad for Fathers day. Here are my daughters working on decorating gift bags for their gifts. I can't tell what the actual gifts were because my husband might read this!)

Another thing that is great about the group is that while the mothers and daughters are gathered together learning about feminine godliness, the fathers and sons meet at the same time at a house/location nearby in a group called Men of Valor. They do exciting things such as work with power tools, community/church service, potato cannon shoots, pancake breakfasts with speakers, etc., all tied in with a biblical theme! The last meeting they used the book Created for Work by Bob Shultz and made wood project presents for Mother's day. It is not every day that fathers and sons can get together to do 'manly' things together and still learn the word of God. It is invaluable the time they are getting to spend together in this fast paced world that doesn't seem to allow anytime for relationships to become fostered. The next event they will be doing target practice with pistols and rifles in the woods---my boys are in heaven just thinking about it!

Many groups today divide up the family. Moms are in their own groups, dads have their mens groups, teen have youth groups--they hardly have time together after work and school. What I love about the focus of these meetings is growing strong relationships between the parent and children giving them something meaningful to do as they learn about godliness in nurturing setting. My children will forever remember the time they got to spend with us in these settings and will cherish them one day.

What's nice is that there are other groups being birthed out of this group. There seems to be a high interest in what they do since these kinds of groups are rare. Since I have attended there have been two groups birthed out of this group called 'Daughters of Destiny' and 'Young Maidens Society'--the latter group started with my sister-in-law who attended a Maidens of Virtue group only once!!! We are also praying about perhaps starting one around here...:)

Many of you have written and inquired about this group showing great interest in attending however, it was out of your local area. I highly encourage you, if you have the means, time and blessing from God and husband to maybe start your own group in your area if this interests you and there isn't one available to you. It doesn't have to be anything fancy and can be just a small group of people, it's a great means of fellowship too. Maybe you already lead a group with your husband and can incorporate some of the ideas here with your ministry that you have already, if you have any questions about it, I'd be happy to answer them. Whatever the case-- be sure to spend time with your daughters and sons and grow closer at nurturing those special relationships with them. You're time with them is short and all of the things you could invest your time in, you will never regret the time invested in your children.

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I highly recommend the book Raising Maidens of Virtue

I used this book with my two older daughters and did it over tea

They learned alot and were greatly encouraged!

A Hasty Heart

Do you ever find yourself running from one task to the next?

Are you constantly telling your children to 'hurry up'?

Do you find yourself motivated to check off everything on your to do list at the expense of yourself and others?

Do you get easily angered with those around you such as your husband or children because they are not moving as fast as you'd like?

"God's not impressed with hastiness. He says in Proverbs, "The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want" (21:5). And, "Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? There is more hope of a fool than of him" (29:20). And once more, "He that hasteth with his feet sinneth" (19:20)

We live in a fast-paced world. If you don't want to lose what you have, if you don't want to be a fool, and if you don't want to live in sin, it's important to learn the difference between haste and speed.

You'll know when you are being hasty if you stop for a moment and check yourself with a few questions: Do you sense a tension in your stomach? Are you trying to accomplish more than time allows? Are you in such a hurry that you are making foolish mistakes?...If these are your experiences, you can be sure that your actions will not lead to abundance. Instead, you'll make foolish decisions and miss a peaceful walk with God.

Hasty people miss God because God is never in a hurry. He doesn't change His pace to walk with people. He requires people to change their pace to walk with Him. A man rushing through life, running over everything and everyone that gets in his way, will not hear the voice of God. His hurried efforts create too much chaos for him to enjoy God's presence."

-Bob Shultz, Created for Work

Our hastiness will drive out the love in the work we were called to do in Titus 2--loving our husbands and loving our children. This is not what the Lord intended for us---we must discipline ourselves to slow down, enjoying the moments with our precious family and not taking time with them for granted. The to-do list will always be around, even after they are gone. This does not mean that we are to be lazy or sluggish in our work , the Lord does not advocate that either and clearly defines such foolishness as sin. It is good to be diligent workers but not exchanging what is meant to be best for less. We are to not have a hasty heart, because at the root of this hasty heart we will only find sin---pride, selfishness, putting ourselves first, etc. which will develop into more sin---anger, resentment, bitterness and so forth.

So, ladies, let us discipline ourselves today to slow down and have a still heart that hears God's voice and not missing the blessing He pours upon our homes and lives.

Training Daughters In the Kitchen

At the very moment I type this, my daughters are working steadily in the kitchen preparing the home and meals for Easter. My middle daughter, Naomi who is 12, is creating this:



Two Tone Sherbert Torte, Taste of Home

And my other older daughter, Janai who is 17 is preparing this:



Snickers Taffy Apple Salad, Taste of Home

They will be preparing these together:



Bacon deviled eggs, Great Gram's Recipe

Daughters are a wonderful blessing, be sure to give them many opportunities in the home and in the kitchen and remember that you are preparing them for something they will do for the rest of their lives---everyone needs to eat! Work along side with them and before you know it they will be skilled and accomplished at many things. Those small little hands will turn into experienced hands later and one day they will thank you for all they learned.